


Before I die

by xXCarl_GrimesXx



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Carl needs his dad, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Carl Grimes, Nice Ron, Rick Cares, Sad Carl Grimes, Two-Eyed Carl Grimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 15:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10721973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXCarl_GrimesXx/pseuds/xXCarl_GrimesXx
Summary: Carl Grimes doesn't feel like he belongs at Alexandria and is scared of what his dad will think.I suck at summaries.





	Before I die

**Carl's POV**

  
"Hey, Carl?"

  
"Come in." No mistake that's Ron going to ask me where I was because I didn't turn up to this 'school' they've got here at Alexandria.

  
"Where were you today? you missed school?" Ron asks as he walks into my room and sits at the foot of my bed.

  
_Called it_

  
"I didn't want to go." I simply reply. "School seems a bit pointless don't you think."

  
"Well yeah but at least we get a feel of what life was like before the world went to shit."

  
"But what's the point we don't need to know about photosin- whatever it is. We should be getting taught about important things like... tracking and how to find fresh water."

  
_The walls are just going to fall down eventually. Nowhere is safe anymore. Even my dad should realize that._

  
"Yeah I've got to agree with you there." Ron sighs and looks out of the window. "Hey do you want to come over for a bit? mum and Sam have gone off somewhere."

  
"Sure why not." I smile thankfully. I need to get out of this house anyway. _I'm sure dad won't mind I mean he's never here anyway._

  
Without thinking I get up to follow Ron outside. It's not until we reach Ron's house that I remember that I've forgotten to tell anyone where I was, hopefully they won't mind I won't be gone too long.

**Sometime later...**

  
"Hey man I'll go get us some food I'll be back in a second" Ron say's to Carl as he gets up to leave. The sun has almost set behind the fences of Alexandria.  
I should be getting home soon or dad will start to panic. If he's even home today that is.

  
I sigh and stand up to see what stuff Ron's got in his room. I've been here before but never really got a chance to look around. It's a simple room really can't expect to have much nowadays.

  
_He's got a lot of posters... wait what?_

  
On one of the walls Ron's got a poster that says: **10 things to do before you die.**

  
_Cheerful._

  
Curiosity got the better of me though as I begun to read it.

  
**1\. See the seven wonders of the world**

  
What are they? not like I'd be able to see them. I think bitterly.

  
**2\. Learn to drive**

  
_Guess I could try to do that._

  
"Hey." I jump and look behind me to see Ron standing in his door way looking at me with curiosity in his eyes. My eyes go down to his hands to see that he's holding a plate of chocolate chip cookies in is hand. Ron sets the plate down on his white bedside table and walks over to meet me.

  
"That poster was here before I got to Alexandria. It's got some impossible things to do nowadays though, but its still nice to think about."

  
"We should make our own list 5 things each then we take turns in doing them that way we get to do 5 crazy, random, stupid things before we die..." I speak softly.

  
"You know what that doesn't sound like a bad idea." Ron looks over to me and I can see him smiling.  
I smile back knowing that this idea might be stupid but at least we can have fun doing it.

  
Suddenly through the open window I hear my dad shouting me. Shit I'm gonna be in so much trouble I promised dad I'd always be back before sunset.  
"I've got to go. I'll see you tomorrow." I call to Ron as I run out of his room down the stairs and walk out into the cold night. _When did it get so dark?_

"Carl!" I snap my head around to see my dad walking up to me. As he reaches me he sighs and pulls me in for a hug. I hug back just as tight as him. After a few seconds he pulls back.

  
"Where were you? you promised that you'd be back before sunset" I feel a pang of guilt as I look at my dad. _He was really worried. I don't know why though he thinks the walls are safe._ " And Eugene said that you didn't turn up for school today. Carl I thought something bad had happened with you... did you go over the walls again with Enid? You know I don't like it when you go over the walls it's not safe."

  
"Hey dad it's OK I went over Ron's for a few hours and didn't know it had gotten this dark and... well... I didn't turn up for school because I didn't want to go." I look up at my dad as his face changes from worried to confused.

  
"What why wouldn't you want to go you told Michonne that you liked going?" _Can we just go inside dad please I don't want to have this conversation out in public... you never know who might be listening._

  
"Dad can we go inside... please." I ask and shift uncomfortably. I look up to notice that dads face is more soft than it was a few moments ago.

  
"Yeah of course..."

  
We take a silent walk back to the house. The cold wind blew and the sound of the tree rustling made me feel more calm. As we make to the front porch of the house I begin to feel... sad? I don't know why but I just felt like crying. I stop walking.

  
_What if I tell dad and he thinks I'm just being stupid? that I'm being ungrateful about the fact we have shelter and a warm bed, food, water and electricity. Oh stop it Carl you are being stupid why are you feeling sad there's nothing to be sad about. Stop. Being. Selfish._

  
"Carl! Carl! Carl!" The panicked voice snaps me back into reality and my dads calling me as he holds my face with his rough hands. I look at him just as a tear falls down my face. Dammit. I pull away from his hold and run inside only to almost run into Daryl.

  
"Oh my God, I'm sorry Daryl!" I shout to him as I run past up the stairs and into my room. I shut the door and lie on my bed.

  
_Why did you start to cry? Now your dad knows somethings wrong with you._

  
The door to my room creaks open and footsteps walk over to me. A slight creak and shit in weight tells me someones joined me. Why can't I just be left alone?

  
"Carl" Dads soft voice rings throughout the room. "Carl whats wrong? Please tell me." His voice is sad and it almost sounds like his begging?  
Please just leave me alone.

  
"Whatever it is I can help."

  
_No you can't. No one can._

  
"Carl.. please I want to help but I can't do that if you won't tell me."

  
_STOP JUST STOP._

  
I look at him. The man who raised me kept me safe and taught me who to survive only to see the expression on his face. Sad. Hurt. Confused. It was killing me to see the strongest man I know almost in tears because he didn't know what was going on. And it was all my fault.

  
That's when the tears I'd been holding back for so long just came pouring out and I jumped into my fathers arms. I felt his arms wrap around my back as he held me. I don't know how long I cried there for. But however long it was all the tears all the pain was on show and that was something I never wanted to happen. My dad rubbed circles with his hands on my back and he held me close like he used to do before the world went to hell. In this moment I felt that I could just open my eyes and be back at home with mum and dad, none of this would have ever had happened I'd be at home. Safe and sound.  
Eventually my crying started to die down and now I was trying to get my breathing under control. Hiccuping I tried to answer my dads previous questions, as I pulled myself out of the hug so I could look at my dads face.

  
"I- I- I d-don't... Know what's w-wrong I-I just don't f-feel l-like I belong-g he-ere" I managed to get out over the rapid breathing and hiccups.  
"Carl... How long... why do you feel this way?" Dads face looked like his heart had just broken and it shocked me.

  
"E-ever since we came to A-Alexandria..." I admitted. "I-I feel like an outsider-r these people... They don't know the things w-we've done-e the people-e we killed. I j-just feel like they're always watching-g me and I ge-et angry about It. I j-just feel like they keep judging me-e."

  
_You idiot why did you tell him?!_

  
"Why didn't you tell me? Carl..."

  
"Because I-I thought you think I was stupid and ungrateful a-and-"

  
"Carl that's enough." Dad stops me his face held so many emotions. But why?

  
"I don't think your stupid or ungrateful or anything like that Carl" He took his hands and placed them on each side of my cheeks. "I would never think that of you. Ever. Carl it's okay to feel like you don't belong, most people here... they've never needed to do the things we have. But you do belong with me, with Michonne, Carol, Daryl all of us. Carl I love you OK?... Nothing will ever change that I promise." And with that he pulls me into a strong embrace.

  
"I love you too, dad." _It's OK... It's OK?_

  
"I'll tell you what Carl, tomorrow we can spend the day together... yeah we'll do something... anything you want." Dad says as his grip tightens on me.

  
"But you have to help run here?" I ask confused.

  
"You are more important to me Carl. You always will be."

  
By now my crying seems to have subsided although tears still fall. Then an idea pops into my head.

  
"Hey dad?"

  
"Yes son?" I pull out of the embrace to look in to my fathers eyes.

  
"Can you teach me to drive?"

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Please leave a comment if you think I should make this a series. Thank you.


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